I could move mountains with this strength

This weekend I faced my first big challenge since my 'epiphany' last month. I don't need to, nor will I, go into the specifics here but something happened to me on Saturday night that wasn't all that nice; something that I did not deserve. I view myself as a good person. A caring, thoughtful, loving person. A person that would go out of her way to make those she loves happy. A person who thinks highly of her friends and if she says that she loves them and cares about them, she means it. No question about it. I came to realise, once again on Saturday evening, unfortunately it happens all too often here, that not everyone views friendship in the same way as me. And I found out in not not such a pleasant way all over again. I'm not sure if the issues I've had with friends here is an 'expat living in a different country' kind of thing in general or whether it's just something that happens with foreigners living here in Korea. I do know, however, that it's not just something that happens to me because many people I've met here have experienced the same problem at one stage or another.

The only thing I will take away from Saturday night, and a thing I will keep at the forefront of my memory forever, is that I overcame something not very nice with an abundance of strength and with unwavering, adamant belief that I deserve better. It was the very first time in my life facing a problem with a relationship and a situation where I felt very let down and disappointed, and not blaming myself. BREAK.THROUGH. Standing strong and facing the problem, head-on, self assured and with all the power and might I had inside me. And not, in that instant, crumbling to the group in a heap of self pity questioning what I had done so wrong and remaining unable to pull  myself up from that pit for a long time afterwards. Not once did I question: what I could possibly have done for people to think so little of me, or why I always seem to like people so much more than they like me, or why they don't seem to want to spend time with me quite as much as I want to spend time with them. I would have thought each of those things before and I would not have been able to stop thinking them or stop blaming myself or stop pulling myself to shreds. And that is one of my biggest achievements to date. I will proud of what I achieved that night for as long as I live.

People are just different. The end. Some people care a lot and some people don't. Some people are good friends and some people aren't. Some people are real and some are not. Does it mean I have to put up with these people in my life? People constantly letting me down and making me feel that I am of very little worth? To hell it does!!! You see, the old Chelsea would have clung on for dear life. Tried to change them, tried to make them like her more, tried to get them to want to spend more time with her, tried to change herself into something better, change herself into a more likeable person, someone that a person could not bare to be without. The whole time obsessing and depressing herself and letting it eat her alive.

I would have done anything. Anything to not have people 'not wanting me' or 'rejecting me' because that was the most unbearable thing I could imagine. But what's more unbearable is doing that until you've got nothing left to give; doing that to the point it has almost broken you for you to then realise that you've failed anyway.

No, never again will I do that to myself. From now on I will only tolerate having people in my life who treat me the way I deserve to be treated. And that's all there is to it. I'm not saying I am better than anyone here and I'm not saying that I have fallen out with people or that I will fall out with someone the second someone lets me down in the future, which is bound to happen give the high expectations that I have, which, by the way, I refuse to lower for anybody! No, I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying though is that after a lifetime of not knowing my own worth, will I ever, EVER let anyone take my happiness from me again. Never again will I allow an undeserving person, or anyone for that matter, to to have control of my heart.

The photo that will help me remember forever.
When I look at this girl I see a strong, confident, beautiful young woman that knows exactly who she is and is proud of everything she is and all that she has achieved. She no longer hides behind a pretend smile and she no longer lives her life trying to please others or trying to get them to like her. She's no longer searching for happiness because she's found it. And it was right there inside her own heart.
She knows how to be happy with herself and she knows how to love herself and she has the faith to believe that everything will come to her. Because she deserves it. And she will never again, settle for anything less than she deserves. She's one of the best people you could know and if you don't agree, keep walking because there's no room for you here.
I love her ♥

It's taken me a long time but I am now firmly in the driving seat of my own life, reliant on nobody to get me where I need to be. At times my journey will be full of happy souls along for the ride but other times, I'll be left to go it alone for a while. And I'll be happy at those times, too. Either way, I will be the driving force in my own life and nothing and nobody will ever change that.  

Pizza and soju picnic by the Han :)

 I've been to the Han River many a time during my stay in Korea but last Sunday's trip to the river was a little different to usual. Being there with my friend Seoyoung felt more like I was a Korean than a foreigner and I'll get to why in a second. After lots of chattering, a nice stroll and up and down the river and learning some new Korean words, (Seoyoung always likes to teach me.. and then test me.. some new Korean to add to my vocabulary) we decided we were hungry and that we should eat dinner soon. Now I was expecting to leave the park to go and find a restaurant for dinner but my friend had other ideas. She suggested, due to the lovely weather, that we get pizza or fried chicken (the two most popular fast food choices among Koreans!) from the 'delivery people' that hang about near the station *insert light bulb moment... "Ohhh, so that's what all those people who try bombarding me with fliers every time I walk out of the exit are doing! Oh I see!"* Usually when I go to the river park I see many Korean families or couples or groups of friends eating these kinds of food and I always wonder where the nearest pizza place is, never putting the two and two together with the people that have just pretty much mobbed me on the way in! Duh! But I always just thought they were simply advertising their restaurant as opposed to offering a delivery service right there in the park! I suppose it just always shocks me, even now after all this time, to see just how convenient this city is. You want to eat pizza right next to the river in the park? Yep, someone will be on hand to bring it to you. It's amazing. They apparently deliver to beaches and mountains, too! LOL!

So that's what we did. We ordered the a pizza (which came really quickly) and bought extra snacks and beer and soju... because what kind of picnic in the park would be complete without soju?! We listened to K-pop, tutted in disgust at all the overly affectionate couples around us, and then laughed a lot, ate till we were full, drank our alcohol and chatted happily. As far as Sunday evenings go, it was one of the best.

Having all the experiences I've had in Korea has been great but it is lovely sometimes to experience things exactly how the people of this country experience them... especially when that involves eating pizza and drinking soju! Hehehe! fun times :) 

Gyeongbokgung at night

Last week Gyeongbok Palace stayed open past its usual closing time of 6pm for a series of special, night time, 'not-to-be-missed' events. Eager not to miss such a special opportunity, I went along with my photography pals and my camera in the hope of seeing some pretty sights and to take some pretty pictures. Although it was busy and particularly crowed by the prime spot, 'the lake,' (can't tell you how many times my feet were trodden on... by pesky tripods nonetheless!) the scenes throughout the sunset, the twilight and the complete (natural) darkness were all absolutely exquisite. The beautiful images before me captured my eyes and held me there, mesmerised, for the duration.

I hope my pictures do this spectacular sight justice and I hope you enjoy looking at them as much I as enjoyed taking them :)

Mannam Ultimate Challenge

Saturday was a very busy day! After we left the House of Hope we had another Mannam event that we needed to get to on the other side of Seoul: The Ultimate Challenge. It was a big fun day for all Mannam Volunteers throughout the country with lots going on. People had the chance to compete in numerous games and activities such a a large scale tug of war or they could sit back and enjoy sports such as football, basketball and taekwondo. People could also have their face painted and there was lots of great food to be had too. The Running Club took part in a run, the K-pop dance club performed a dance and the Photography Club displayed a beautiful gallery of photographs highlighting memorable Mannam events.

After all the hard work that Mannam Volunteers do, it was nice for everyone to get together and celebrate the organisation and all its achievements.

House of Hope

The House of Hope is a centre for young people with mental disabilities and on Saturday a small group of Mannam volunteers, myself included, attended and hosted a Min-Olympics fun morning with various games for them to take part in and a dance routine to learn. Prizes were given to winners and everyone was presented with a bag of goodies at the end but it was just being there and providing these young people with an enjoyable time that was important. It was a very early start for everyone to make it to the centre on time but an enjoyable time was had by all and it was all worth it to see the happy smiles on their faces. Beautiful morning.

Where Light meets Light, there is Victory!

Respectful Korea and Teachers' Day

One of the many things that I love about Korea is the enormous emphasis they place on respect for one's elders. Korean people are extremely respectful to their elders or people 'above them' which is noticeably adhered to by their honorific language system; a system used to address a person with respect.

Although I'm told that the Korean respect culture is flailing these days in comparison with how it used to be, (older Koreans are very worried that Korea is losing its identity with its younger people becoming more rapidly westernised and western influenced) the respect culture is still very much apparent for an outsider looking in.

Again, contrary to what some might believe in regards to how it was a few years back, teachers are greatly respected in Korea. Particularly the older teachers. Education is a vital part of a Korean person's life and great prominence, and pressure, unfortunately, is placed on Korean student's successes in school. With this comes a respect for their teachers. And thus brings me to my additional point about Teachers' Day.

In Korea, Teachers' Day is celebrated on 15th May during a month with other notable celebrations such as Children's Day (5th May) and Parents' Day (8th May). Students go all out for their teachers on this special day and shops, florists in particular, are filled with special gifts and flower baskets, respectively. But what I especially like about this time is that it isn't just a fickle celebration for your current teacher, it's a celebration for the teachers who have taught you in the past, too. A recognition of the people who have helped you to get where you are today. Which is just lovely, isn't it? One of the subject teachers in my office received a beautifully displayed purple orchid from some of her past students and in the afternoon I saw an abundance of last year's students gleefully bounding into school to visit their former teachers. It really was heart warming.

The lovely hand-decorated pen and heartfelt letters I received.
Worth far more to me than any gift money could buy. 

   It's such a shame the same respect and appreciation isn't held for teachers in the UK. If teachers were respected by pupils and parents (and shown the slightest appreciation from the government) the way they are here or the way they were when my mum was at school, education in my country would be a totally different story.

춘천 모험 (Chuncheon adventure)

I had a nice romantic day with myself! 

On Sunday I had myself a little adventure. I escaped Seoul for a day and headed to the very pleasant lakeside city of Chuncheon. Chuncheon is the provincial capital of Gangwon-do (the province next to Gyeonggi-do province that surrounds the self-administrating national capital of Seoul.) In other words, it's not so far from Seoul! And the really great thing is that you can take the subway all the way there even though it's in a whole other province! Hooray, or as the Koreans would say, 아싸! (ah-sa!) My initial excitement to take the subway all the way there and back didn't last all that long though when I realised how long it meant I would actually have to spend on the subway. The journey from my station was estimated at 2 and a half hours each way although it was closer to a total of 6 hours spent on the subway that day! Wow. Wasn't all bad though as I managed to be seated for the majority of both journeys and it meant I had a lot of time to read my book. It was actually quite relaxing and enjoyable.

Aside from the fact that I wanted to see this pretty lakeside city there was one main reason that I had to go there. And that reason was food. Chuncheon is the city in Korea that is famous for '닭갈비' (dak galbi) which happens to be my favourite Korean dish. When I first came to Korea, it was way too spicy for me but has since then become my number one favourite food in this country. Basically it's made by stir-frying chicken in a red pepper paste (the Korean favourite!) sauce called '고추장' (gochujang) with cabbage, sweet potatoes, onions and 떡(tteok-rice cakes). You cook it yourself on a hotplate at your table, or if you're a bit useless like me, one of the nice Korean ladies will come to your table and do it for you. So all I had to do was focus on eating. 아싸! -you remember, right?! You can add extra things if you like and it's great topped with cheese so of course I opted for that. It was delicious! And despite the large portion, I ate every last bit! Almost six hours on a subway for that, remember! There wasn't a chance I was wasting any.

All full up and beginning my journey back to Seoul just as the sun was setting
on  a very beautiful day ♥    

Died and gone to K-pop heaven :)

Saturday evening turned out to be one of the best I've had during my time in Korea! I had the K-pop time of my life! After finding out about Dream Concert 2012 just earlier than day, I headed to World Cup Stadium with my new friend Clyde a couple of hours before the show was about to start in the hope we could find some tickets. Upon arrival we found out that official were no longer on sale, of course, and then had to rely on plan B: finding a sketchy man to sell us a couple of overpriced tickets on the sly. And luckily for us, just minutes before the show was about to start, we found said sketchy man and we in our seats just in time for the opening act! We were so excited that it had all gone to plan and we'd actually manged to get ourselves inside! YAY YAY YAY!

Crazy girl in the background! Hehe
Love this photo!

Our seats, rather hilariously, were placed slap bang in the middle of the BEAST fan section. We stuck out like a sore thumb! Interestingly, the audience at these group concerts are typically seated in a section according to their favourite act which is often decided by the ticket holder's membership within that act's fan club. BEAST fans (their fan club 'Beauty' -cute!) are primarily made up of identical looking, (the standard Korean school girl thick fringe and think rimmed glasses) highly overexcited, screaming middle school girls. Let's put it this way, I'm surprised my ear drums were still intact by the end of the night. I'd put money on the fact their voices weren't the next morning though.

The concert consisted of many popular K-pop groups and each performed an average of two songs. My favourite groups being the boy band, 2PM, known for their amazing bodies! and the girl group, T-ara who performed two of their biggest hits- Lovey Dovey and Roly Poly- which are, coincidentally, two of the catchiest K-pop tunes around and my two personal faves! The atmosphere in the stadium was electric from start to finish. K-pop is a huge part of Korea and young Koreans in particular go absolutely crazy for their idols. I still can't believe I ended up at the concert and saw all of these groups live! Especially my two favouite groups! I always hoped that I'd get that chance before leaving Korea to go to this kind of concert and it was just as amazing as I'd anticipated it would be!
♥ K-pop 사랑 ♥

Photography by the Han River

This Saturday I met my photography club at one of my favourite places in Seoul- Yeouido park by the Han River. Our focus being photo composition and how to take a good photo. I'm learning so much from my photography group. The rule of thirds and the importance of a strong subject/ focus being this week's big lesson for me. I think I got a few decent shots.
Love my club ♥